Ok so like usual I cant sleep so I thought I would try to write so maybe I might be able to try to sleep. Meh. I dont know if it will help but you never know.
I know that I am too tired to get up and do anything but my mind wont stop racing when I lay down to sleep. I cant wait for my dr's appt so maybe i can get this figured out. or not if not i am making an honest effort to fix it.
I have learned that i like typing more than writing though because as i just learned i can do it with both eyes closed and still type what i want to - this is called train of thought typing i believe, where you just type what comes to mind? meh. I dont know.
I'm excited about Saturday and hope that it goes well, I am upset that my hours at work got cut but im afraid its because i did something wrong and he might just be doing what heather did and when she was mad at you she would cut your hours till there were none left or you quit, she was afraid to fire anyone i just know.
I have self confidence issues i know this but for some reason i dont think very many people realize that them telling me that they think i am pretty or gorgeous, etc, just make me feel more weird, i like being told that i am smart or charismatic, well spoken, unfortunately these things dont happen often.
anyway i am trying to wear myself out= i didnt work today and so i am laying in my bed, which i just changed today from an air bed to a futon - typing with my eyes closed and i seem to be doing ok. i think ill pick this back up in the morning if i have time,
i want a womyn to love me , i want someone to love me that same way that i love them. i wont lie and say im not attracted to guys but i dont see myself dating men, i have problems with them im not a lesbian anymore nor do i think i ever really was. i had too many instances where i have been horribly wronged by men, rather boys. but still i know that not all men are bad i know that i should give them another chance so i do. but only partly;
OK so sorry if this didnt make any sence this is what happens when i just type at 240am with no purpose ><
see you again.
BTW
i want to figure out how to change the look of my blog. i havent figured that out yet... its a work in progress.
